今天在座的各位， 我们先承认我们是幸运的。 我们没有生活在 我们母亲和我们祖母生活过的那个世界， 在那时女性的职业选择是非常有限的。 今天在座的各位， 大多数人成长于一个 女性有基本公民权的世界。 令人惊讶地是，我们还生活在一个 有些女性还没有这些权利的世界。 但除上所述，我们还有一个问题， 它是一个实际问题。 这问题是： 在世界各地，女性没达到 任何职业 的高管职位。 这些数据很清楚地告诉我们这实情。 190个国家元首里， 九位是女性领导。 在世界上议会的总人数中， 13%是女性议员。 在公司部门， 女性占据高位， C级职位，董事会席位 高管职位比例占15%，16%。 自从20xx年起这数据没变化过 有下降趋势。 即使在非营利的行业， 我们有时认为这一行业 是被更多女性所领导的， 女性领导人占20%。
我们还面临着另一个问题， 就是女性 在职业成功和个人价值实现中所面临的艰难选择。 美国最近一个研究 表明，已婚高管人员， 三分之二的已婚男性高管人员有孩子 只有三分之一的已婚女性高管人员有孩子。 几年前，我在纽约， 出席一个协议， 在那种别致的纽约私募投资办事处中的一个 你能想象到的。 我在这个大约有3小时的会议上， 过了2小时，有个间歇休息， 所有人都站起来， 这会议组织者 开始显得的确很尴尬。 我意识到他不知道 在他办公室哪里是女洗手间。 所以我开始寻找移动厕所， 盘算他们刚搬进来，但我没有看到任何移动厕所。 然后我说，“你是刚搬到这办公室吗?” 他说，“不是，我们在这儿已经有一年了。” 我说，“你能否告诉我 这一年来， 我是唯一一个来这间办公室的女性吗?” 他看着我，说到， “是的。或者说你可能是唯一一个要上女性洗手间。”
所以问题是， 我们该怎样解决这样的尴尬? 我们怎样改变这些高管职位的比例? 我们怎样使这个变得不同? 我首先想说， 我谈这个 女性就职 因为我的确认为我们得找到答案。 在我们劳动力的高收入的部分， 在高管的人员中 财富500强首席执行长官中， 或在其它类似的高管行业中， 我确信，问题 是女性被排除在外。 当下人们对此谈了很多， 他们谈到像弹性时间和指导 和公司应该培训妇女的计划的事。 今天我不想谈这些 尽管所有这些事都非常重要。 今天我想关注作为个人我们所能做到的事。 我们要告诉给自己的事是什么? 我们告诉给女同事和打工的女性的事是什么? 我们要告诉给我们女儿的事是什么?
现在首先，我想澄清 这个演讲不带有任何评判。 我也没有正确的答案; 甚至就我而言，我也没有完全的答案。 在周一，我离开我生活的加利福尼亚， 我坐上飞机赶赴这会议。 当我送我三岁的女儿到幼儿园时， 她紧紧抱进我的腿， 哭喊着，“妈咪，不要上飞机”之类的话。 这很难受。有时我感到内疚。 我知道 无论是家庭主妇，还是职业女性， 有时她们都会感同身受。 所以我不会说对所有人来说，呆在职场 是件正确的事。
今天我的演讲是要讲 如果你真正想呆在职场。 我想有3条建议。 一，坐在桌旁。 二，让你的伴侣成为一个真正的合作伙伴。 三，在你离开前别放弃。 第一，坐在桌旁。 仅仅几周前在脸谱， 我们主持一个非常高级行政官员会议， 他(马克·扎克伯格)与来自硅谷周围的高级行政官员 一一见面。 每个人都坐在桌边。 然后携同他的2个女性 在他部门中她们也占非常高的职位。 我对她们说，“坐在桌边。来吧，坐在桌边。” 她们坐在了屋子的一边。 我在大四时， 我选修一节欧洲思想史的课程。 你们喜爱大学的这类课程嘛。 我希望我现在能做到。 我和我室友卡丽一起学习， 她那时是一个才华横溢的文学学生 成为了一个杰出的文学家 我的弟弟 一个聪明的小伙子，但他爱打水球，他上医学预科 大二。
我们三人一起选修这课。 然后卡丽读了 所有希腊文和拉丁文的原版书籍-- 去了所有的课-- 我读了所有英语的书 上了大多数的课。 我弟弟有点忙; 他读了12本书中的一本 去上了几节课， 在考试前几天他来到我们房间 自己辅导了一下。 我们三个一起去考试了，我们坐下来。 我们考了有3个小时 我们的小蓝笔记本，是的。 我们走出来，对视对方，我们说，“你考得怎样?” 卡丽说，“伙计，我感到我真没有答对 有关黑格尔辩证法的主要命题。” 我说，“上帝啊，我真希望我考试时能想到 学习过的洛克的产权理论等哲学家。” 我弟弟却说， “我会是班里考得最好的。” “你会是班里考得最好的? 你啥都不知道。”
这种故事的问题 出在数据所表明的事实： 女性被系统化地低估了她们自身的能力。 如果你测试男性和女性， 你问他们问题，按完全客观的标准平均成绩来算， 男性会错误的高估一些， 女性则会错误地低估一些。 女性在职场不会为自身利益去谈判。 在过去两年， 关于人们从学校进入职场的一个调查 表明57%的男生 或男性进入职场，我猜 会协商他们的第一份薪水， 只有7%的女性会去协商。 更重要的是， 男性把他们的成功归功于他们自身， 而女性则归功于其他外部因素。 如果你问男性为什么他们能把工作做好， 他们会说，“我棒极了。 这是显而易见的。这还用问吗?” 如果你问女性是什么使她们在工作中出色， 她们会说有人帮助她们， 她们很幸运，她们工作异常努力。 这个问题很重要吗? 大家，这关系很大 因为没人得到角落办公室的职位 要是只坐在旁边，而不是桌边。 没人得到提升 如果他们认为他们不应享有这成功， 或者他们甚至不明白他们自己的成功。
我但愿这答案是容易的。 我希望我尽可能告诉我所共事过的所有年轻女性， 所有这些非常棒的女性， “相信你们自己，为自身利益要讨价还价。 把握住你的成功。” 我希望我也能告诉我的女儿。 但这不是很简单。 因为首先是数据表明的是一件事 它表明成功和人缘亲切性 对于男性来说是积极影响的 而对于女性来说是负面影响的。 每个人都点头， 因为我们大家都知道这是真的。
一个非常棒的研究也很好地表明了这一观点。 哈佛商学院的一个著名研究 是有关于一位叫海蒂·罗森的女性。 她是硅谷一家公司的 负责人， 她使用她的关系 成为一名非常成功的风险资本家。 在20xx年，不久前 当时在哥伦比亚大学的一位教授 做这个例子和把它改成霍华德·罗森。 他把这个案例，他们两人 向两组学生展示。 他只改变了一个词： 海蒂到霍华德。 但这个词就造成了非常大的差异。 然后他调查学生。 好消息是学生们，男生和女生 认为海蒂和霍华德都是能力相当的， 这很好。 但坏消息是每个人都喜欢霍华德。 他是个了不起的人，大家都想和他共事， 大家都想和他去钓鱼。 但海蒂呢?不好说。 她有点只为自己着想，对政治有点热衷。 大家不太想和她共事。 这是复杂的。 我们得告诉我们的女儿和我们的同事， 我们得告诉我们自己相信我们能获得A， 得到提升， 坐在桌边。 我们在这世上得做到这点 在世上，女性要争取这些就得做出牺牲， 尽管她们的兄弟不用为此而付出牺牲。
所有关于这的最可悲的事是很难记住这个。 我将讲个对我来说是个真正尴尬的故事， 但我认为它很重要。 在脸谱不久前我给 大约100名员工做这个演讲。 几小时后，在脸谱工作的一个年轻女性 坐到我小桌子旁边， 她想和我谈谈。 我说，好，她坐了下来，我们谈了起来。 她说，“我今天学了一些东西。 我知道我需要举起我的手。” 我说，“你指什么啊?” 她说，“你在讲这个话时， 你说你将会回答2个以上问题。 我和其他一些人举起手，你回答了2个以上问题。 我把手放下来，我注意到所有女性都把手放下来， 然后你又回答了很多问题， 仅有男性参与。” 我自己想了一下， 如果换成是我，谁会在乎这个，明显地 做这次演讲， 在这演讲中，我甚至没注意到 男人们的手是不是还一直举着， 女人们的手是不是还一直举着， 我们到底有多出色， 当我们作为公司和组织的经理人的时候， 以及当我们作为少数，与男性竞争 争取机会的时候? 我们得让女性坐到桌子边上。
第二条： 让你的伴侣成为一个真正的合作伙伴。 我已经确信我们在职场 比起我们在家庭中起了更大的作用。 数据也很清楚地表明这点。 如果一个女性和一个男性同时全职 并有一个小孩， 女性比起男性要做两倍多家务活儿， 女性比起男性做了三倍多 照顾婴儿的事。 所以她有了2份，3份工作， 而他只有一份。 当有人必须在家多干活时，谁应该留下来? 这个的理由实在太复杂， 我没有时间来讲它们。 但我也不认为周日看美式足球 和日常的懒惰是理由。
我认为理由是更加复杂化的。 我认为，作为一个社会， 我们总是更希望男孩子们成功， 对女孩子则压力小些。 我知道有居家男人 呆在家里做内务支持职场妻子 这很难。 当我去“妈咪和我”的培训课时， 我看到那里的父亲， 我留意到其他妈咪 不愿和他相处。 这是个问题， 因为我们得把内务变成一个重要的工作 因为它是世界上最难的工作-居家工作 无论男人女人， 我们只有平分了这些事，女性才可能留在职场。 (掌声) 研究表明夫妻收入相等、 且夫妻分担责任相当的家庭 也有50%的离婚率。 如果这数据并不那么鼓舞人， 还有更多的 在这个讲台我该怎么讲呢? 夫妻双方对于彼此的了解，不仅是做爱这么简单。
建议三： 在你离开前别放弃。 我认为这是一个非常深刻的讽刺 对于女性所采取行动而言-- 我一直目睹类似情况的发生-- 女性希望留在职场这个目标， 往往导致它们最终不得不离开职场。 曾发生这样的事： 我们都忙;每个人都很忙;作为一个女人也很忙。 她开始考虑生小孩。 从她开始考虑生小孩的时候起， 她开始考虑为孩子准备房间。 “我该如何调整孩子这件事和手头上的其他事呢?” 言下之意， 她不再举起她的手， 她不寻求提升，她不找新的计划， 她不会说，“我，我想做那个。” 她开始退缩。 这是个问题 让我们说说她怀孕的那段日子 9个月的怀胎，3个月的产假， 6个月来调养休息 快速调整要2年， 更多的，正如我看到的 女性开始过早考虑这事 当她们有约会或者结婚时， 当她们开始考虑要小孩，这会花相当长的一段时间。 一位女性关于此事来找我， 我看着她，她显得有点年轻。 我说，“那么你和你丈夫考虑要小孩了?” 她说，“哦不，我还没结婚。” 她甚至没有男友。 我说，“你考虑这个 太早了吧。”
但关键是 一旦你开始退缩下来，接下来会发生什么呢? 每个人都会经历这个 在这儿我告诉你，一旦在家你有了孩子， 你真的最好是回到你的工作中去， 因为把小孩留在家太难了， 你的工作得有挑战性。 它也得有回报。 你得感觉到世界因你而变。 如果2年前你没有得到提升 在你旁边的一个男孩得到提升， 如果三年前 你放弃寻找新的机会， 你会变得很乏味 因为你应该紧踩油门，加油。 在你离开前别放弃。 保住工作。 紧踩油门， 除非到了那一天你需要离开 为了孩子休假 然后做出你自己的决定。 不要提前做太长远决定， 特别是你甚至不晓得自己该做怎样的决定。
我这一代的女性非常可惜， 没能改变高管职位的数据变化。 女人们就是呆在原地。 我们没能达到50%的高管职位 在任何行业的高管职位中， 女性都未达到50%。 但我希望未来一代人可以做到。 我认为我们世界上 半数国家和半数公司 会由女性所领导，那将会是一个更美好的世界。 这不仅仅是因为人们会知道女性洗手间在哪儿， 尽管这也有非常大的帮助。 我认为它将会是一个更美好的世界。 我有2个孩子。 我5岁的儿子和3岁的女儿。 我想我儿子会选择 在职场或在家里都尽心尽责，全心奉献。 我女儿的选择 不仅仅是成功， 她会更热爱她所做出的成就。
So for any of us in this room today, let's start out by admitting we're lucky. We don't live in the world our mothers lived in, our grandmothers lived in, where career choices for women were so limited. And if you're in this room today, most of us grew up in a world where we had basic civil rights, and amazingly, we still live in a world where some women don't have them. But all that aside, we still have a problem, and it's a real problem. And the problem is this: Women are not making it to the top of any profession anywhere in the world. The numbers tell the story quite clearly. 190 heads of state -- nine are women. Of all the people in parliament in the world, 13 percent are women. In the corporate sector, women at the top, C-level jobs, board seats -- tops out at 15, 16 percent. The numbers have not moved since 20xx and are going in the wrong direction. And even in the non-profit world, a world we sometimes think of as being led by more women, women at the top: 20 percent.
We also have another problem, which is that women face harder choices between professional success and personal fulfillment. A recent study in the U.S. showed that, of married senior managers, two-thirds of the married men had children and only one-third of the married women had children. A couple of years ago, I was in New York, and I was pitching a deal, and I was in one of those fancy New York private equity offices you can picture. And I'm in the meeting -- it's about a three-hour meeting -- and two hours in, there kind of needs to be that bio break, and everyone stands up, and the partner running the meeting starts looking really embarrassed. And I realized he doesn't know where the women's room is in his office. So I start looking around for moving boxes, figuring they just moved in, but I don't see any. And so I said, "Did you just move into this office?" And he said, "No, we've been here about a year." And I said, "Are you telling me that I am the only woman to have pitched a deal in this office in a year?" And he looked at me, and he said, "Yeah. Or maybe you're the only one who had to go to the bathroom."
So the question is, how are we going to fix this? How do we change these numbers at the top? How do we make this different? I want to start out by saying, I talk about this -- about keeping women in the workforce -- because I really think that's the answer. In the high-income part of our workforce, in the people who end up at the top -- Fortune 500 CEO jobs, or the equivalent in other industries -- the problem, I am convinced, is that women are dropping out. Now people talk about this a lot, and they talk about things like flextime and mentoring and programs companies should have to train women. I want to talk about none of that today, even though that's all really important. Today I want to focus on what we can do as inpiduals. What are the messages we need to tell ourselves? What are the messages we tell the women who work with and for us? What are the messages we tell our daughters?
Now, at the outset, I want to be very clear that this speech comes with no judgments. I don't have the right answer. I don't even have it for myself. I left San Francisco, where I live, on Monday, and I was getting on the plane for this conference. And my daughter, who's three, when I dropped her off at preschool, did that whole hugging-the-leg, crying, "Mommy, don't get on the plane" thing. This is hard. I feel guilty sometimes. I know no women, whether they're at home or whether they're in the workforce, who don't feel that sometimes. So I'm not saying that staying in the workforce is the right thing for everyone.
My talk today is about what the messages are if you do want to stay in the workforce, and I think there are three. One, sit at the table. Two, make your partner a real partner. And three, don't leave before you leave. Number one: sit at the table. Just a couple weeks ago at Facebook, we hosted a very senior government official, and he came in to meet with senior execs from around Silicon Valley. And everyone kind of sat at the table. And then he had these two women who were traveling with him who were pretty senior in his department, and I kind of said to them, "Sit at the table. Come on, sit at the table," and they sat on the side of the room. When I was in college my senior year, I took a course called European Intellectual History. Don't you love that kind of thing from college? I wish I could do that now. And I took it with my roommate, Carrie, who was then a brilliant literary student -- and went on to be a brilliant literary scholar -- and my brother -- smart guy, but a water-polo-playing pre-med, who was a sophomore.
The three of us take this class together. And then Carrie reads all the books in the original Greek and Latin, goes to all the lectures. I read all the books in English and go to most of the lectures. My brother is kind of busy. He reads one book of 12 and goes to a couple of lectures, marches himself up to our room a couple days before the exam to get himself tutored. The three of us go to the exam together, and we sit down. And we sit there for three hours -- and our little blue notebooks -- yes, I'm that old. And we walk out, and we look at each other, and we say, "How did you do?" And Carrie says, "Boy, I feel like I didn't really draw out the main point on the Hegelian dialectic." And I say, "God, I really wish I had really connected John Locke's theory of property with the philosophers who follow." And my brother says, "I got the top grade in the class." "You got the top grade in the class? You don't know anything."
The problem with these stories is that they show what the data shows: women systematically underestimate their own abilities. If you test men and women, and you ask them questions on totally objective criteria like GPAs, men get it wrong slightly high, and women get it wrong slightly low. Women do not negotiate for themselves in the workforce. A study in the last two years of people entering the workforce out of college showed that 57 percent of boys entering, or men, I guess, are negotiating their first salary, and only seven percent of women. And most importantly, men attribute their success to themselves, and women attribute it to other external factors. If you ask men why they did a good job, they'll say, "I'm awesome. Obviously. Why are you even asking?" If you ask women why they did a good job, what they'll say is someone helped them, they got lucky, they worked really hard. Why does this matter? Boy, it matters a lot because no one gets to the corner office by sitting on the side, not at the table, and no one gets the promotion if they don't think they deserve their success, or they don't even understand their own success.
I wish the answer were easy. I wish I could just go tell all the young women I work for, all these fabulous women, "Believe in yourself and negotiate for yourself. Own your own success." I wish I could tell that to my daughter. But it's not that simple. Because what the data shows, above all else, is one thing, which is that success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. And everyone's nodding, because we all know this to be true.
There's a really good study that shows this really well. There's a famous Harvard Business School study on a woman named Heidi Roizen. And she's an operator in a company in Silicon Valley, and she uses her contacts to become a very successful venture capitalist. In 20xx -- not so long ago -- a professor who was then at Columbia University took that case and made it Howard Roizen. And he gave the case out, both of them, to two groups of students. He changed exactly one word: "Heidi" to "Howard." But that one word made a really big difference. He then surveyed the students, and the good news was the students, both men and women, thought Heidi and Howard were equally competent, and that's good. The bad news was that everyone liked Howard. He's a great guy. You want to work for him. You want to spend the day fishing with him. But Heidi? Not so sure. She's a little out for herself. She's a little political. You're not sure you'd want to work for her. This is the complication. We have to tell our daughters and our colleagues, we have to tell ourselves to believe we got the A, to reach for the promotion, to sit at the table, and we have to do it in a world where, for them, there are sacrifices they will make for that, even though for their brothers, there are not.
The saddest thing about all of this is that it's really hard to remember this. And I'm about to tell a story which is truly embarrassing for me, but I think important. I gave this talk at Facebook not so long ago to about 100 employees, and a couple hours later, there was a young woman who works there sitting outside my little desk, and she wanted to talk to me. I said, okay, and she sat down, and we talked. And she said, "I learned something today. I learned that I need to keep my hand up." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, you're giving this talk, and you said you were going to take two more questions. And I had my hand up with lots of other people, and you took two more questions. And I put my hand down, and I noticed all the women put their hand down, and then you took more questions, only from the men." And I thought to myself, wow, if it's me -- who cares about this, obviously -- giving this talk -- and during this talk, I can't even notice that the men's hands are still raised, and the women's hands are still raised, how good are we as managers of our companies and our organizations at seeing that the men are reaching for opportunities more than women? We've got to get women to sit at the table.
Message number two: make your partner a real partner. I've become convinced that we've made more progress in the workforce than we have in the home. The data shows this very clearly. If a woman and a man work full-time and have a child, the woman does twice the amount of housework the man does, and the woman does three times the amount of childcare the man does. So she's got three jobs or two jobs, and he's got one. Who do you think drops out when someone needs to be home more? The causes of this are really complicated, and I don't have time to go into them. And I don't think Sunday football-watching and general laziness is the cause.
I think the cause is more complicated. I think, as a society, we put more pressure on our boys to succeed than we do on our girls. I know men that stay home and work in the home to support wives with careers, and it's hard. When I go to the Mommy-and-Me stuff and I see the father there, I notice that the other mommies don't play with him. And that's a problem, because we have to make it as important a job, because it's the hardest job in the world to work inside the home, for people of both genders, if we're going to even things out and let women stay in the workforce. (Applause) Studies show that households with equal earning and equal responsibility also have half the porce rate. And if that wasn't good enough motivation for everyone out there, they also have more -- how shall I say this on this stage? -- they know each other more in the biblical sense as well.
Message number three: don't leave before you leave. I think there's a really deep irony to the fact that actions women are taking -- and I see this all the time -- with the objective of staying in the workforce actually lead to their eventually leaving. Here's what happens: We're all busy. Everyone's busy. A woman's busy. And she starts thinking about having a child, and from the moment she starts thinking about having a child, she starts thinking about making room for that child. "How am I going to fit this into everything else I'm doing?" And literally from that moment, she doesn't raise her hand anymore, she doesn't look for a promotion, she doesn't take on the new project, she doesn't say, "Me. I want to do that." She starts leaning back. The problem is that -- let's say she got pregnant that day, that day -- nine months of pregnancy, three months of maternity leave, six months to catch your breath -- fast-forward two years, more often -- and as I've seen it -- women start thinking about this way earlier -- when they get engaged, when they get married, when they start thinking about trying to have a child, which can take a long time. One woman came to see me about this, and I kind of looked at her -- she looked a little young. And I said, "So are you and your husband thinking about having a baby?" And she said, "Oh no, I'm not married." She didn't even have a boyfriend. I said, "You're thinking about this just way too early."
But the point is that what happens once you start kind of quietly leaning back? Everyone who's been through this -- and I'm here to tell you, once you have a child at home, your job better be really good to go back, because it's hard to leave that kid at home -- your job needs to be challenging. It needs to be rewarding. You need to feel like you're making a difference. And if two years ago you didn't take a promotion and some guy next to you did, if three years ago you stopped looking for new opportunities, you're going to be bored because you should have kept your foot on the gas pedal. Don't leave before you leave. Stay in. Keep your foot on the gas pedal, until the very day you need to leave to take a break for a child -- and then make your decisions. Don't make decisions too far in advance, particularly ones you're not even conscious you're making.
My generation really, sadly, is not going to change the numbers at the top. They're just not moving. We are not going to get to where 50 percent of the population -- in my generation, there will not be 50 percent of [women] at the top of any industry. But I'm hopeful that future generations can. I think a world that was run where half of our countries and half of our companies were run by women, would be a better world. And it's not just because people would know where the women's bathrooms are, even though that would be very helpful. I think it would be a better world. I have two children. I have a five-year-old son and a two-year-old daughter. I want my son to have a choice to contribute fully in the workforce or at home, and I want my daughter to have the choice to not just succeed, but to be liked for her accomplishments.